One of the new breed of new mums who wash their hair
Not washing your hair for a month. Not using your mobile phone. And not going outdoors.
These are some of the commonly cited rules of zuoyuezi, the four-week period of confinement after labour, popular in China and across Asia.
Of course, such rules are easy to mock. And I did before I had my first daughter.
That’s not to say that I haven’t showered for four weeks. (Seriously?) Instead I hired an ayi (translates as ‘auntie’) to help with the housework and inadvertently joined the ranks of the confined.
It happened slowly at first. I ate this woman’s delicious soups, found myself staying in bed with my daughter ’till lunchtime and took frequent naps. Until at one point, I realised that I hadn’t left the house for a week, had no intention of getting out of my pyjamas and my anxiety levels had started to drop.
It turns out that a period of confinement post-birth is really nothing more than someone else giving you a chance to eat and sleep well, as you adapt to the hands-on routine of motherhood.
Yes. Not such a silly idea.
My ayi fussed around me and my daughter with the love and attention of a family member, despite the fact I’d only hired her to help clean and cook.
And ironically, I found I had plenty of time to wash my hair. And blow dry it too.
Not so for new mums across the world, however. My Western friends kept mentioning on Facebook how clean my hair looked ‘for a new mum’.
Battling your way through this early period without support – or showers – is not only considered normal in the West, but a rite of passage.
Whereas in China, for the first few weeks at least, there’s a useful cultural expectation that new parents should receive help and definitely not be reduced to nervous wrecks.
Types of confinement vary hugely, from calling on family and friends, or hiring part-time help, to booking a room in a confinement centre room, with doctors, nurses and midwives on call round-the-clock.
Choices will depend on a mother’s background and budget. For example, a reasonably priced centre in Shanghai costs £7,000 for 28 days. While a live-in professional confinement ‘yuesao’ can be as little as £500 a month.
But the aim is the same. To encourage the mother and father to take care of themselves and their baby as well as possible.
I had wrongly assumed that professional confinement services would preclude the involvement of the father. But no, modern confinement centres welcome dads too.
Of course, it’s hardly a revelation to state that having help around the home is a blessing to new parents. But equally it’s useful to note that age-old traditions, stripped of superstition and given a new lease of life, can challenge our assumption about modern norms.
